Apartment hunting.
Makes me want to vomit all.
Over hardwood floors.

Your energy drink.
Breath is ruining my nice.
Internet time, douche.

Do not interrupt.
My viewing of Breaking Bad.
I’ll set you ablaze.

When the train pulls up.
Wait for people to exit.
Before you enter.

Dear Greenpeace worker.
You throw your cigarette down.
You’re hippocratic.

Why don’t Jell-O shots.
Get me as drunk as I want.
They’re damn delicious.

People on airplanes.
Contain your screaming children.
Before I take charge.

Thank you for wearing.
That “YOLO” T-Shirt, it keeps.
Me away from you.

Pants.
I do not like them.
They are itchy and suck ass.
Pantless til I die.

Who the fuck doesn’t.
Enjoy Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
Get your shit in line.

This train is empty.
Why do you sit by me, sir?
Please go away now.

Kim Kardashian.
Pro-created with Kanye.
The end is nearing.

If there is one place.
You should never stop walking.
It is a staircase.

Why did you vibrate?.
I didn’t get a message.
Phantom vibration.

Online Job Applications:
Why must I fill out.
What is on my Resume?
Low-Tech piece of shit.

Forgive me Netflix:
You want my business?
The King Of The Hill series.
Should not be removed.

When I see things with.
“batteries not included”
I don’t understand.

Wet, wet bathroom rug.
Do you even use a towel?
I don’t understand.

Ninety-Five degrees.
Outside, its mid September.
Screw you, weatherman.

Project makes no sense.
And they want it yesterday.
This fucking client.